He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize