Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
