We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
