I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
