i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
