Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
