I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
