I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
