i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
