dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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