my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
