I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
