Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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