oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
