I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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