my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just had sex bonerless
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
