Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
