im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
