I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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