DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
