Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do vagina's smell?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
