i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
