I think i peed on brittanys purse
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
