just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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