just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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