I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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