The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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