We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
operation have a gay friend backfired
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
