If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
