Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
