If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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