All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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