I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
