i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
