I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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