Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize