Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
