Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
