I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
