what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
