i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
