they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
