We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
