i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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