so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
