im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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