ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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