Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize