I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
