Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is Oprah even human
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
