I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize