I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize