remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
