All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
