his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
