im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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