McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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