Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
