It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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