I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
