I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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