Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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